That awkward moment when you compare you and your friends to how i met your mother and realize your Ted. Fuck my life. — Lol drunken friends
You know what would be awesome? If I could find a girl that I’m totally into and just when I think things can’t get better we have mind blowing brutally awesome sex and after the climax I can lean over and say “and why do we do this?” And her response without hesitation is “for the glory of Satan of course!” Where’s that girl man?

People are literally the least reliable thing on the planet.

You would think paying people half your check every payday so that theyll give you a ride to work would encourage them to get me to work on time and not risk me getting fired in turn them losing that extra income, and yet I’m not surprised over the past three years I’ve been told a lot of things that weren’t true though the person making the claims swore by it. I won’t cheat, I will have the rent on time, ill put transmission fluid in the car like you asked because I use it more than you. Yeah these are just a few examples and the outcomes were they totally cheated, roommate didn’t pay rent and got us evicted in turn making me lose my bed, coffee table, living room furniture, all my dishes and my desk, and with the car naturally following the trend they didn’t put any transmission fluid in it and the transmission exploded. So trusting people has lost me my home, my car, and now possibly my job. And people wonder why I hate humans and am so cynical all the time.

A home security system to a dog is like the cotton gin to a slave — Wilfred
College kids more conspicuous than a white van

So for the first time In three years…

So for this first time in three years I met a girl that takes my breath away. I mean since the great white buffalo experience I’ve sworn off relationships and to put it plainly I just go out and have one night stands or flings and go about my life. Now I enjoy my current life fully…….. But this girl we just seem to get eachother on so many levels of personality and taste and its quite invigorating. My only issue is ice started to feel this with 2 other girls prior but once I slept with them I vanished before I could explore where I’d go a Dick move I know but I am always honest and upfront about my intentions its just how I am. But with this girl I feel all silly and get all tingly when we talk (which we talk everyday continuously through out the day.) and am so excited to see what she has to say and honestly its a bit unlike me to be this way over a girl but damn……if there ever was a girl to break my vow against dating itd be her

I’m a Man. i have to buy my weed like an adult, and then i smoke it like a delinquent — Drunken quote of the day. been drinking and smoking since noon lol
I dont know what the fuck Just happened but somebody owes me money!!! — Tyler motherfuckin’ Corfey drunk on sailor Jerry

My mood

You ever wish you could just kill everyone. Yeah thats pretty much me for the past month. Fuck people